G D7 G C/G G C/G G C/G G C/G G

[Verse 1]
        D7sus
Well, I took me a woman late last night
                                        G    C/G G C/G G
I was three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
         D7sus
'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook
                                          G     C/G G
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
      C/G        G C/G G
I was high-flyin'
     C/G  G  C/G G
Bare-naked
        C/G   G D7 C/G G C/G G
Out the window

[Verse 2]
      D7sus
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
                     C/G          G
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
      D7sus
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
                                        G     C/G G
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side

        C/G        G    C/G G
She's-a tryin' to hide
           C/G            G   D7sus C/G G C/G G C/G G
Pretendin' she don't know me

[Verse 3]
    D7sus
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
                                        G    C/G G
When a can of black paint it fell on my head
D7sus
I went down to scrub and rub
                    C/G         G   C/G G
But I had to sit in back of the tub
       C/G       G  D7sus
Cost a quarter
             C/G G C/G G C/G
Half-price


[Verse 4]
         D7sus
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
                                  G  C/G G
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
         D7sus
He said, "My friend Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
                                     G    C/G G
I said, "My friend John, Brigitte Bardot
      C/G     G C/G G
Anita Ekberg
       C/G   G C/G G
Sophia Loren
         C/G    G  D7 C/G G C/G G C/G G
Country-O-Grow"

[Verse 5]
      D7sus
Well, I got a woman four feet short
                          C/G         G      C/G   G
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
    D7sus
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
                  C/G            G      C/G   G
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
        C/G    G  C/G G
She's a man-eater
C/G      G  C/G   G
Meat-grinder
       D7sus C/G G C/G G C/G G C/G G
Bad loser

[Verse 6]
    D7sus
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
                        C/G     G
I got a woman who works herself blind
      D7sus
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
                      C/G      G
Writes me letters and sends me checks
        C/G       G   C/G G
She's a humdinger
    C/G    G  D7sus C/G G C/G G C/G G
Folk singer

[Verse 7]
D7sus
Late one day in the middle of the week
                        C/G   G
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
  D7sus
I chased me a woman up the hill
                          C/G      G    C/G G
Right in the middle of an air raid drill
             C/G         G  C/G G
I jumped the fallout shelter
             C/G         G  C/G G
I jumped the string-bean
             C/G         G  C/G G
I jumped the TV dinner
             C/G G  D7sus C/G G C/G G
I jumped the shotgun

[Verse 8]
         D7sus
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
                              C/G      G
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
     D7sus
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
                        C/G      G     C/G  G
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
            C/G     G C/G G
He's eatin' bagels
            C/G     G C/G G
He's eatin' pizza
            C/G G   D7 C/G G C/G G C/G G
He's eatin' chitlins

[Verse 9]
      D7sus
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
                            C/G    G
I flipped the channel on to number four
D7sus
Out of the shower comes a football man
                     C/G    G    C/G G
With a bottle of oil in his hand
       C/G      G C/G G C/G G
Greasy kid stuff
         D7sus
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
                        C/G     G     C/G G C/G G
Is what do you do about   Willy Mays?
           C/G    G C/G G
Martin Luther King?
        C/G  D7sus C/G G C/G G C/G G C/G G
Oula Tunjee?

[Verse 10]
          D7sus
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
                                   G   C/G G
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
          D7sus
She takes about fifteen baths a day
                            C/G   G
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face
      C/G G C/G D7sus C/G G C/G G C/G G
She's insane

[Verse 11]
         D7sus
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
                      C/G      G    C/G G
It levels my head and eases my mind
       D7sus
I just walk along and stroll and sing
                              C/G       G    C/G G
I'll see better days and I'll do better things
           C/G       G    C/G G
I'll catch dinosaurs
             C/G           G     C/G G
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
               C/G          G   C/G  G C/G D7sus C/G G C/G G
Catch hell from Richard Burton